I read that quote today and for some reason it really resonated with me. For the last couple of months, I've been changing so many aspects of my life and it's become really overwhelming. I had been working (unpaid) for a nonprofit organization and couldn't seem to get that moving forward the way I had hoped, I had friends who were "draining" and negative, and my marriage was struggling also. Despite all of that, I put on a happy smile and stayed active in the community while I was slowly slipping into depression. I guess it's like that quote, "the secret to success is to be like a duck- smooth and unruffled on top and paddling furiously underneath". Eventually it just got to be too much and I started eliminating negativity from my life...one aspect at a time.
I resigned as CEO of the nonprofit, much to the dismay of the board. Things quickly got ugly but I continued to move forward. I started a new organization that I thought would allow me to do what I love - teach others to be self-sufficient! I was thrilled to open Fashion Forward Palm Beach, Inc. That didn't work out very well, even though I had such a great vision. So eventually I figured out that I need to go back to what I loved....photography. I had a wise man tell me, "You can't help anyone until you can help yourself. So figure out what you are passionate about, and work on it!" I had done photography as a hobby for so long and was always scared to "take the leap" and do it full time but I guess now is my chance!
Through that process of changing careers I lost some of the negative friends that had "allowed" me to become negative in life. No big loss :) Along the way, issues in my marriage escalated to the point where I finally had to say "enough is enough" and I began to contemplate the evil "D" word - divorce! After nearly 6 years of marriage, Steve and I decided to get a divorce and I moved out of our house into a very small apartment. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, in part because Steve is such a great person but also because I relied on him so much. Ultimately, we both deserve to find people who will love us the way we need/want to be loved. Sadly, I lost more friends and have damaged some family relationships through the divorce process. But I just tell myself that it was all meant to be.
Now that I'm on my own again, with a brand new business, a shorter list of friends, and a whole lot more responsibility....I'm realizing that I'm tougher than I thought! I'm not quite sure how I'm going to put gas in my car next week or how I'm going to fit 36 years of junk into a 600 square foot apartment. I don't know if my new business is going to make it or not.
I'm also learning that God puts people in your life when you need them most! A few months ago I met a family that was on the verge of being homeless, with a mom that was going blind and a daughter struggling with mental illness. For whatever reason, our paths crossed. The mother has the same name as my mom, Elaine....and the daughter, Essence, is 14 and was starting a new high school and feeling lost (sounds kinda like me going into 9th grade!). I looked up the word Essence, and here's what it means: one that possesses or exhibits a quality in abundance as if in concentrated form. That's a pretty cool name!
Over the last few months I've had the honor of helping them furnish their humble home, put healthy food in their refrigerator, and get the public services that they truly need. One of my favorite moments was bringing Essence 4 new pairs of shoes. She tried them all on and danced around her small living room. It was pretty awesome. I couldn't have done it without the help of my own network of friends. I've taken Essence to some different charity events and have helped her realize that her life is pretty darn good compared to some others.
I'm humbled that I had the opportunity to help them because it's through helping them, that I've become grateful again. I'm grateful that I am healthy, that I have a good education, and that I can use my skills and talents to help others when they need it most. Helping them has boosted my spirits and my confidence once again. One day I helped the daughter paint her room and we talked about Joe Jonas, whom she thinks is very cute, and we talked about her trying out for the soccer team. I can't wait to see her run across the soccer field at her new school...and I'm hoping I can find a big Joe Jonas poster for her new room.
So while I could have asked "what's in it for me", I took a leap of faith to help others and I'm the one who was blessed....
